If you could wave a magic wand and make the incessant need to seek approval from other people disappear, you probably would – I know I’d certainly like it to stop affecting the lives of my loved ones.
If we could just find it in ourselves to trust our own gut and be comfortable within our own skin, wouldn’t that be a prime example of living the best life possible?
We are all guilty of needing validation, often without even realizing it. This pattern likely started long before we could walk or talk. Parents teach their babies to mimic them and seek their approval by providing positive feedback for a job well done.
They used clapping, kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter, everything a small brain needs to form an attachment to approval-seeking behavior. Was it wrong? Of course not! But as adults, it doesn’t have to control our thought processes or dictate our decisions.
Even long into their school years, children are rewarded for good behavior and achievements. This type of structure lays the groundwork for a desire to fit in, to be part of something larger than ourselves, and to seek reassurance that we are on the right track. While this can encourage a sense of community, it can also create an over-reliance on external validation, leading to insecurities that linger into adulthood.
Your Life, Your Choices, Your Consequences
If you struggle with seeking the opinions of others before making decisions in your life, you could be headed down a long road of insecurities and failed relationships.
Remember, these other people aren’t in your shoes. They aren’t living your life or dealing with the consequences of your decisions. So, when they offer their advice, they are projecting their own experiences and preferences onto you.
Advice that begins with “If I were you” is often flat-out wrong and can even be dangerous. You are the only one who can evaluate your situation from all sides and effectively weigh your options. Recognizing this is crucial in developing a sense of agency over your decisions.
The problem is often that we don’t trust our gut enough to stand firm on a decision. It’s likely that we know what we should do, but we hesitate because the right choice feels daunting, we fear judgment, or we dread the potential consequences of our actions.
Believe in Your Opinion
You didn’t get this far in life without having your own opinions and the capability to make decisions. So, don’t believe the hype that your opinion isn’t worth anything or that you’re not deserving of self-validation. Your perspective matters!
If your first inclination seems a bit off the beaten path, go for it! No harm, no foul. Don’t short-change yourself by believing you need to be part of a flock to feel worthy. You are more than capable of dancing to the beat of your own drum if that’s the direction you choose.
If you find yourself hush-mouthed in meetings at work because you fear others will think your idea is foolish, consider this: First, upper management thrives on fresh ideas. Creative thinking often starts with a single thought that gets shifted, molded, and transformed into a great idea through teamwork.
Second, your coworkers are likely more focused on their contributions than on scrutinizing yours. You might think all eyes are on you, ready to pounce at the first sign of vulnerability, but the opposite is usually true. By expressing your thoughts, you may be giving them the courage to share their ideas as well.
Unrealized Fear is Counter-Productive
If your approval-seeking needs are rooted in fear, you’ve already made up your mind about your limitations.
You are essentially predicting a future that you don’t have the power to foresee, often based on anxiety about what could happen rather than what is likely to occur.
During these moments, ask yourself: What am I really afraid of? Am I automatically jumping to the worst-case scenario? Because, more often than not, the results are never as bad as we imagine them to be.
A healthy dose of fear can contribute to the decision-making process, but it shouldn’t have the authority to dictate the outcome. We tend to seek approval in just about every area of our lives, which makes it easy to fall down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and feared consequences.
Start with small steps and gradually work your way up to the bigger challenges. Build confidence in your ability to make sound decisions for your own life, and keep pushing forward. Just like anything else worth your time, this process requires patience.
Good news: as you engage in this journey, it does get easier. You’ll find yourself growing stronger emotionally and mentally, and in the long run, you’ll thank yourself for taking the initiative to trust in your own judgment.
The Importance of Self-Validation
Learning to validate your own feelings and decisions is a crucial step in this process.
It requires practice and self-compassion but ultimately leads to greater self-assuredness. Consider starting a daily practice of self-affirmation where you remind yourself of your worth, capabilities, and the validity of your feelings. Check out this page on the blog for lots of resources on creating and using affirmations.
Recognizing and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small, can also reinforce your belief in yourself. Keep a journal to track your progress and reflect on your decisions. This practice can help you see how far you’ve come and provide encouragement during tough times.
By embracing your unique journey and learning to trust your instincts, you can unlock your potential and step confidently into your life without the need for approval from others. Embracing this mindset will lead to more authentic relationships and a deeper connection to your true self. Ultimately, the journey toward self-acceptance is a powerful testament to your strength and resilience.
As you move forward, remind yourself that seeking validation from others is a natural human tendency, but it doesn’t have to dictate your worth or the decisions you make. Each time you choose to trust yourself, you reinforce the belief that you are capable and deserving of living a fulfilling life.
Conclusion
Breaking free from the habit of seeking approval is a journey that takes time, self-reflection, and patience.
Focusing on your personal growth and developing a deeper understanding of your worth can cultivate a more confident and self-assured person. Remember, you are your own best advocate, and the path to self-acceptance begins with you.
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Listen to a brief audio excerpt, explore this week’s topic, and get inspired with two powerful journal posts and affirmations to empower your mindset.
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Sample Journal Prompts
Prompt 1: Reflect on a fear I have about making decisions without external approval.
Prompt 2: How can I celebrate my achievements, big or small, this week?
Sample Affirmations
- I honor my feelings and decisions without apology.
- Every step I take toward self-approval strengthens my confidence.
