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Be thankful for the experiences - and yes, the flaws - that have made you who you are

Why do we have such a hard time accepting our flaws? 

A big part of the reason is that the definition of the word openly states that a flaw is a bad thing:

Flaw: a mark, fault or other imperfection that mars a substance or object; or as a verb, it's defined as marring, weakening, or invalidating something. - Oxford Languages via Google Search

No wonder we have such a tough time admitting, let alone accepting our flaws.

Let's continue looking at some of the truths around flaws and how we can see them differently. For the first part of this article, search for '"Your Flaws are a Part of Who You Are – Part 1"

Truth 5: Flaws help you to see ulterior motives and who your real friends are

You're standing in a group of friends, and one of them calls out a flaw in your appearance or your style of speaking and refuses to be friends with you any longer. After the shock wears off, please don't give this ingrate a second thought - they were never worth keeping as a friend anyway.

Someone who wants to discard you as a friend because of what THEY percieve as a "flaw" is exhibiting judgmental tendencies that would have ruined the relationship anyway. They just let their ignorance out of the bag and told the entire group what they were about.

What's likely to be true is that they've been THINKING about what they said for a while, and for whatever reason, they chose this time to let their feelings be known. We cannot expect that we'll be 100% in favor of everything someone we call "friend" does, or how they express themselves, but is that enough to destroy a relationship?

Your true friends will accept you and your friendship no matter what your flaws are (with certain specific exceptions). There's also a much better way to speak with a friend about conduct, behavior, or language you disagree with.  The advice given in the book of Matthew, chapter 18 states that you should speak to the person you have the challenge with alone, and only when your complaint is not heard should you involve others.

Truth 6: Associate with (and take advice from) people who have accepted their own flaws

People with a healthy level of self-confidence are easily recognized - many times, they'll be the ones poking fun at their own situations instead of hiding or ignoring them. They do the same thing with their flaws - and you can learn from watching them.

Poking fun at yourself for little mistakes or missteps is a sign of a healthy sense of who you are. When you can laugh at yourself - gently - you make it possible for others to do the same. When you find these people, keep them as friends - you can see how they handle their flaws and gain an understanding of how the same mindset can work for you.

Knowing you are not perfect is the first step to either accepting your flaws or working on them. When you know and can admit what it is you want to change about yourself or your life, you open pathways in your mind for solutions to come to you.

If you think you're perfect, why would you need a solution? That's a recipe for stagnation and an overabundance of self-pride.

Truth 7: Admit your imperfections instead of hiding them

Avoid masking your flaws or trying to hide them. Coating them with a layer of guile and bluster isn't the solution. Lying about them - especially to yourself - is a recipe for self-deception, and that's only going to last so long.

Other people DO notice your flaws - even if they claim not to - because they also see it as a sign of weakness when you try too hard to appear perfect. Forcing an image of perfection states clearly that you can't handle the truth of your perfectly imperfect humanness. Imperfections - yes flaws - are NOT a sign of weakness.

You can and should own up to your flaws - in fact, be proud of them, because they are part of what makes you unique and special. In fact, what YOU see as a flaw, someone else might just see as a desirable quality. 

Be confident and comfortable in your own skin, expressing your authentic personality, and show the world what you're made of!

Journaling Prompts to Accept Your Flaws
  1. Name three things about yourself that others might consider a flaw. How can you celebrate them?
  2. Turn the way you describe your perceived flaw into an affirmation, using positive terms - for instance: My hair is so powerful, it reaches to the sky instead of hanging down, or My curves help me to give soft and warm hugs to my loved ones.
  3. Find one or more quotes on loving yourself and write them in your journal so you can return to them when needed. Write about how they make you feel in your journal. Example: "You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." - Brene Brown
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About the Author Dianne Daniels

Born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, and currently residing in Norwich, Connecticut, Dianne M. Daniels' mission is to empower women 50+ to Amplify their Self-Confidence, Deepen their Self-Knowledge, Inspire Creativity, and Glide into the next phase of their lives with the Power of Journaling, Affirmations, and Assessments.

You can learn how to use these time-tested, proven practices to create and manifest the life you want (and deserve) to live.

Dianne is an ordained Unitarian Universalist Minister with a Master of Divinity degree from Starr King School for the Ministry. She's an avid reader, a lover of old houses (she renovated an 1850s vintage Greek Revival home with her family) and has been journaling since the age of 9.

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